I was willing to do just about anything to be a part of the group. Submit myself to ridicule, put myself in physical danger – I was willing to try just about anything to be a part of, to be considered one of them to feel like I belonged. But after I made my way in, all I wanted to do was show that I was unique. That I was different than the rest of them.
I spent years not being myself, but trying to be something special in someone else’s eyes. Maybe then I would feel good about who I was in the world.
Trying to create the impression of uniqueness, of being somehow set apart, maybe then I will be accepted and I can share what I really think and feel.
By then, its too late.
Sometimes I still can’t help myself from looking over the fence; of wanting the perfect picture that others seem to have. I know now that this is a deception, a trick I play on myself.
If you’re not careful, you can get so busy trying to differentiate yourself and be unique that you lose sight of what actually makes you who you really are. What makes you truly unique is lost in favour of what appears unique or beautiful or cool.
If you are a Type 4, grounded in the Heart Intelligence Centre, you experience your world through the filter of emotional intelligence. Feelings and emotions are important to you and you feel them very deeply. They are how you understand your world. You care about others and the world and your ability to feel “for” them can be overwhelming. Whether it is a movie, book or just someone’s story, you connect deeply and truly.
While you enjoy connecting with others, you don’t want to be absorbed. You want to belong but to be accepted for your individual qualities. You are in search of your own uniqueness at the same time as wanting to be a part of something bigger. You long for connections with people or groups, to have friends.
You have a romantic flair and strong sense of style. The look and feel of things is important to you. You enjoy great design, in clothes, architecture or your environment. You can be emotionally deep and even intense at times. You appreciate the arts and express yourself dramatically.
You have a sense of style and enjoy beauty in nature and art. People, animals and nature are all important to you. You often have a unique connection with others and you value this. You are intuitive and sensitive and feel pain deeply, yours and others. People notice your sense of style or curated experiences.
You love people and relationships. You long to have close connections to people but you don’t always feel like you fit in anywhere. A place to belong is important but you just haven’t found it yet….. or if you have, you still don’t quite feel like it is perfect yet.
You are described as caring, kind, romantic, dramatic and sensitive.
People see you as creative, expressive and connected. You look stylish and pulled together on the outside. On the inside you worry you don’t fit. You hang on to past hurts and traumas as if they were recent. You can’t seem to move past them like other people do. You worry you are un-loveable
The Cost of Not Being Present
Living your life from this intelligence centre is exciting, intense and romantic but also isolating. Your desire to be different and unique can be lonely and challenging. If you aren’t at your strongest or healthiest you can hold onto past hurts and hold a grudge. You may not even realize you have become moody or judgmental. You may even tell yourself the world overlooks you.
Type 4’s who are grounded in the Heart Intelligence Centre have some great strengths and advantages when it comes to connections and personal relationships. There can also be some challenges to watch out for. If you fall into habits or start to just drift through your day to day, you may find yourself missing the mark when it comes to your goals, relationships and career.
If you let yourself drift for too long, you might find you lose your connection to what truly makes you unique. Looking over at what other people have can lead to jealousy, envy and an inability to appreciate all you have. You may feel unsatisfied in your family, relationship or business without really knowing why. People may start to see you as moody or overly dramatic. You start to feel un-loveable and your greatest fear of being abandoned starts to become true.
Get Present– Raise Your Consciousness
Type 4’s grounded in the Heart Intelligence Centre are sensitive, dramatic and emotional. You are also stylish and unique, standing out from the crowd. You may not even realize what qualities you have that set you apart. You are so busy looking over at what stands out for other people you have stopped appreciating your own unique strengths. If you stay too long in this place of desire and longing, you can lose sight of who you really are and what is possible for your own life.
If you really want to leverage your strengths, find ways to breathe and stay in the moment when the intense feelings come. Breathe through and stay with the feelings. Let yourself be ok if there is melancholy or sad.
- Simplicity – Start to embrace simplicity as being a way to set yourself apart. Whether it is simplicity in relationships or processes, find a way to strip away the drama and focus on what is really important. This in itself is desirable and artistic.
- Ask for Feedback – When you resonate with the Heart Intelligence Centre and are highly sensitive, you may not have a complete picture of your strengths and talents. Ask two people who know you fairly well to list what they see as your talents or strengths. Don’t judge their feedback or critique it, just receive it.
Habits – That Get You Stuck
If you operate from the Heart Intelligence Centre and have an artistic flair, you may prefer to work alone. You have a strong desire to create a grand vision. If you find a quiet moment, you can almost taste, smell and feel your vision. If you fall short of achieving this or reaching your ideal, you may become despondent and sad, even giving up.
Focus of Attention
You desire deep connections with yourself and with others. You may spend a great deal of energy worrying about what others have what you don’t have. You might even be afraid of being left behind or abandoned. If you allow yourself to dwell on what others are doing rather than on your own reality and plans, you can be left behind and become withdrawn and even depressed.
Getting Unstuck – Practice of You
- Realize you are more than your feelings. Take ten minutes at the end of the day to review your day and reflect on the emotions. Were there times you were tied into past hurts? What would help you move past these so you don’t carry them into other relationships?
- Think about if you weren’t striving to be individual and unique, who would you be? If this is hard for you, ask someone who knows you well to tell you what they see as your unique qualities.
- Find ways to channel your intense feelings to help you reach your goals. You likely have intense passion and sometimes even anger. Use this energy to focus yourself on steps you identify to reach your goals. Journalling or writing can be a useful technique to put your feelings outside of your body in a contained way.
“Individuality is only possible if it unfolds from wholeness” ~ David Bohm